


'Tis the Damn Season

by helgaeunoia



Category: brightwin - Fandom, เพราะเราคู่กัน | 2gether: The Series (Thailand TV), เพราะเราคู่กัน | 2gether: The Series (Thailand TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, Christmas Fluff, Exes to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Miscommunication, Not Canon Compliant, Pining, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:53:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28179411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helgaeunoia/pseuds/helgaeunoia
Summary: “I didn’t tell my parents that we broke up and they’re still expecting you for Christmas,” Win says, running a hand through his hair. “And, like, I didn’t say you would be there, but I didn’t say you wouldn’t be there, either. They were so happy talking about how last year we did Christmas at your parents’ and how it was their turn this year to welcome you into the family and I just—”Bright’s pretty sure Win keeps talking but he tunes him out. There’s a lot to process in that first part alone and Bright is way toosoberfor this.Christmas AU. In which Win asks Bright to be his fake-date to his family's Christmas party. The only problem is, they're exes.
Relationships: Bright Vachirawit Chivaaree & Win Metawin Opas-iamkajorn, Bright Vachirawit Chivaaree/Win Metawin Opas-iamkajorn
Comments: 21
Kudos: 247





	'Tis the Damn Season

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** This is a work of fiction loosely inspired by T Swift's new song, 'Tis the Damn Season'. I hope you like it :)

There’s already a knot in Bright’s stomach when he hears the knocks on his door, for a variety of reasons.

There’s the obvious reason that it’s late at night, the less obvious reason that none of his friends actually have any common decency or even know of this thing called knocking, and then there’s the one that probably should’ve popped into his mind first—the sinking feeling that something bad is about to happen.

He’s hesitating whether he should get up and answer or ignore the knocking until it stops when the person knocks again. Bright sighs, turning off the TV before he makes his way to the door.

The closer he gets to the door, the faster he can hear and feel his heart beating faster. He’s not nervous or anything, because whoever is standing behind that door knows who he is and knows where he lives, so it could be any of his close co-workers. He’s just confused.

He doesn’t look through the peephole before opening the door and thinks, belatedly, that maybe he should’ve when he realizes who’s standing in front of him.

Bright’s instincts are rarely wrong, and he should’ve trusted his gut and stayed on the couch. 

Instead, he’s standing still in his doorway, staring into the eyes of the guy who broke his heart just a few months ago.

It’s like he’s frozen into place—like he can’t move at all. Bright’s been trying to move on for months now and right now, in this very moment, he feels vulnerable, broken, just like he did that first day after Win left.

Bright blinks—once, twice—telling himself that maybe his mind is playing tricks on him, because there’s no reason for Win to be here, not in the middle of shooting for his new film. He’d gotten used to following GMMTV’s schedule to a T last year and it’s as they say, ‘old habits die hard’ and that habit hasn’t died just yet.

At least, that’s what he tries to convince himself.

“You—why are you here?” Bright hears himself asking.

It’s a valid question that deserves an honest answer. He’s not expecting much, not after Win left him without much of an explanation back in September, but it’s worth asking anyway.

Win rolls on the ball of his feet. He seems nervous—like he hadn’t planned this ahead, just decided to show up on Bright’s doorstep unannounced, thinking it would end well for him. Bright hopes Win knows he was wrong.

“Can we talk inside? I’ll explain, just—please let me in,” Win says, and Bright hates how quickly he agrees. He steps aside, letting Win in and reluctantly closing the door. 

Saying no to Win has always been hard, even before they were together, so it’s no surprise that Bright still can’t say no to him now.

Bright starts walking towards the couch and Win follows him closely, like he’s afraid Bright’s going to change his mind and kick him out. It’s possible and Bright wants to, really, but there’s a part of him that actually wants to know what Win wants; wants to know what was worth making the 4-hour flight to Bangkok for.

“Where’s Ame? I—”

Bright huffs before he continues whatever he’s supposed to say.

“She’s with P’Moo, not that it’s any of your business.”

“Oh, okay phi.” 

“Why are you here?”

Win looks down before he sighs, “I need a favour.”

Bright wants to laugh. “You came all this way from China because of a favour? You could’ve just called me.”

“You would’ve answered?”

There’s a bitter tone in his voice, and he would probably ask him about it, but yeah, regarding his question, Bright knows he won’t probably answer him if he calls.

_He just can’t… risk it._

Win sighs. “Look, I know that we’re not together anymore, but we were friends before we started dating so I’m still hoping you can do this for me.”

Bright’s quiet, because he doesn’t even know what to say.

“I didn’t tell my parents that we broke up and they’re still expecting you for Christmas,” Win says, running a hand through his hair. “And, like, I didn’t say you would be there, but I didn’t say you wouldn’t be there, either. They were so happy talking about how last year we did Christmas at your parents’ and how it was their turn this year to welcome you into the family and I just—”

Bright’s pretty sure Win keeps talking but he tunes him out. There’s a lot to process in that first part alone and Bright is way too sober for this. His head is spinning and he’s trying to find a way out of this, and he can’t. He wants Win to deal with this situation on his own; he wants Win to grow up and tell his parents that they broke up but—Bright realizes he hasn’t even told his family about the break up either.

He looks up at Win, trying his best to find an excuse not to go. He doesn’t have an excuse because the plan always was to go to Win’s for Christmas this year and Bright hasn’t felt like making other plans because making other plans meant that he was over Win and he’s—not.

“Maybe I have plans,” Bright says, and he doesn’t sound very convincing, but he hopes Win buys it.

“Do you?”

“I guess you wouldn’t know, would you?” Bright says, and he wants to get off the couch, but he can feel Win’s eyes on him, grounding him and he can’t move. “You’re the one who left.”

“Will you at least consider it?” Win asks. He looks tired from the flight over and Bright almost feels for him except he can’t, because Win broke his heart and Bright’s clearly not over that at all, but Win looks unaffected.

When he realizes that Bright isn’t gonna answer, Win says, “At least think about it, P’Bai, please.”

_Please. He said please. Fuck._

And the thing is, Bright should say no. He should stand up for himself and say that Win broke his heart once and that he definitely doesn’t want a do-over. Win is desperate because he put himself in this situation and wants Bright’s help getting out of it and it would be so easy for Bright to just let him deal with this on his own. 

Bright knows the implications that come with agreeing to this, but he also knows that maybe this could be good for him. If First was here, he’d tell Bright that this is the best way for him to get closure, which totally makes this a terrible idea but now that he thinks about it, pretending to date Win for a few days can’t be that hard.

Win is almost out the door, with his hand on the door handle, when Bright says, “Fine, I’ll do it.”

“Seriously? I didn’t think you’d even consider it,” Win says, but he sounds relieved. Bright is as surprised as he is.

“And yet you came all this way,” Bright says, sarcastically. “You should go, before I change my mind.”

Win is smiling and somehow, Bright can’t help but smile back at him. It’s temporary, until Win is out of his apartment and as soon as he closes the door, Bright lets his head thunk against it. He’s definitely not smiling anymore. Instead, he’s asking himself why on earth he would agree to something like this when he clearly still has feelings for Win. Bright can’t do this again—have Win for three days only to be heartbroken again. He wants to be with Win and craves those little moments of intimacy they got to share over the past year, but he doesn’t know if it’s worth having that for a few days only to have it taken from him again.

Bright’s tired and even though this has to be the worst decision he’s made in a while, he can’t back out now. It’s too late.

* * *

It gets harder not to think about Win after that.

To tell the truth, Win is all Bright can think about the next day. Practice in the morning is a great distraction—he lets himself forget about everything and just focuses on rehearsing and playing his guitar. It must show because his vocal coach pats his back after practice, telling him he sounds so good, his upcoming album will definitely be a huge hit.

Bright goes home after practice and bails on his lunch plans with P’Kik and P’Aof because he doesn’t want to sit through an hour of lunch where he pretends like there’s not a huge lump in his chest. He doesn’t want to have to tell them about his problems and he doesn’t want them questioning Win ever since he arrived from Beijing.

So, he goes home and the first thing he does is sit on the couch and take a deep breath. He knows he needs to when he feels his heart pounding hard in his chest. 

The first thing that crosses his mind when he looks around his apartment is Win. The fact that he was there last night is still bewildering and Bright is still trying to make sense of everything. The fact that he decided to fly to Bangkok in the middle of his day off to ask Bright a favour, even though he didn’t know for sure that Bright would agree.

And that’s the thing that bothers him the most—the fact that if he had said no, Win would’ve been here for nothing and Bright would’ve spent the next days thinking about it. A little bit like he is right now.

It hits him only later in the afternoon that he just agreed to spend three days with his ex-boyfriend and his family, pretending to be madly in love with the guy who broke his heart just a few months back. It doesn’t make sense—how fast and easily Bright said yes. Sure, he spent a few minutes thinking about it, weighing the pros and cons in the heat of the moment, but in the end, he still agreed without thinking of the repercussions. Without thinking about how the fallout is going to hurt just as much—if not more—than his initial break up with Win did.

He panics a little—pacing around his apartment like that’s going to help anything—and then he calls First because that’s the next best option.

It doesn’t take too long before First picks up.

“Hey phi,” he says, and Bright can hear the smile in his voice. “Did you get yourself in trouble again?”

“You sound like my mom,” Bright says.

“Maybe she’s the one you should be calling. That’s what moms are for.” 

Bright laughs. “You don’t even know what I’m going to say,” he says.

First’s quiet on the other end of the line, so Bright knows he’s just going to have to come out and say it before he hangs up on him.

“So, I think I did something stupid,” is what Bright ends up starting with. In retrospect, he could have worded it differently, when he thinks about it.

There’s laughter on the other end and Bright can’t help but laugh too, except it’s more a laugh of shame on his part than anything else. “How stupid are we talking? Like, give me a number on a scale of 1 to 10 and I’ll decide whether I can help you or not. I have a life too, you know. I’m literally shooting for a film.”

“Pretty fucking stupid,” Bright says, rubbing the back of his head. He needs to stop pacing in his house, so he sits on his couch and just—deflates. “Like, probably a 9? Maybe 9.5.”

“Okay phi, let’s hear it.”

The funny thing is, First doesn’t even sound surprised. He probably isn’t because if his memory serves right, Bright remembers that most of the things First has to deal with start with one of his friends telling him they did something stupid. Bright hates to admit that he likes to get himself stuck in situations that he usually has trouble getting out of and he can’t remember a situation he managed to get out of by himself, without First’s or his other friends’ help.

So, Bright tells him everything. What helps is that First already knows about the break up and about what happened—Bright’s pretty sure he has both sides of the story, because he is also Win’s friend—but he’s been good with everything, even after the break up.

“This is a lot,” he says, when Bright’s done talking.

“I told you it was stupid,” Bright says, because in his defence, he did warn him beforehand.

First laughs. “This isn’t the worst thing you’ve done before. Or the worst thing Win’s done before.”

“True.”

“Though, I’m surprised that he actually talked to you about this in person. That’s almost mature of him,” First says.

Bright’s surprised Win actually talked to him in person about this, too. He expected a text or even a phone call, if this needed to be heard and not written, but like—this is on a whole other level. 

Win has always been keen on big gestures, yes, but he knows it’s reserved for the people he truly cares about. Bright knew that way before they got together, and this is kind of a big one, since technically, they broke up.

“I still think this is a bad idea,” Bright says, because really, what the fuck did he just get himself into?

It’s a little late to be thinking about that, because he knows he can’t back out now. He already said yes, and he doesn’t want Win to think that he can’t do this, because if anyone can do it, it’s definitely him. 

Bright realizes a little too late that he needs to go through with this. Not because of everything he already knows, but also because as much as he hates Win for breaking his heart and for ending the most promising relationship he’s had in years, he still loves him and knows that if the situations were reversed, he’d want Win to do the same for him.

“It’s not the best idea, no,” First says, “but it’s not the worst either, phi. You don’t know how this is going to end and maybe it’s going to bring you guys closer. Give you closure, or something.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Bright says, though he’s only barely agreeing with him. “How do you always manage to make sense of all the stupid shit I get myself into?”

“I don’t know,” First says, honest. “I think having someone else’s opinion on things helps.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Bright says, with a sigh. “I’ll let you go back to whatever you were doing, nong.”

First hangs up shortly after saying goodbye and Bright’s in a clearer state of mind than he was before the call. He’s still thinking about Win, but for different reasons. He’s thinking ahead, this time. Thinking about what’s going to happen and how things are going to go. He’s not as hopeful as First is that this is going to give him closure, but he’s thinking that it can’t be that bad.

He’s got to try to find out.

* * *

The next few weeks are a blur. He has finished recording for his solo album and is currently promoting it in various countries through interviews. He’s doing better, sure, but when he gets home, all he can think about is Win and that thing Win got him into.

November ends in the blink of an eye, and before Bright realizes it, it’s December. 

The entire Toalaew team had circled December 1st in their calendars because it’s the first time they’d be shooting for their travel show again since the end of Season 2 last year. And that alone would be fine; Bright has been looking forward to this too. The shoot itself goes better than Bright could’ve expected. In the end, he gained new experience and that’s all that matters.

Things are fine, and that should’ve been Bright’s first clue that things were about to get a lot less fine.

There’s a knock on the door, and if Bright knew any better, he wouldn’t get up to answer. This time around, he’s got a pretty good idea of who’s standing on the other side of that door, so he gets up but he takes his time. There’s no hurry, not really, and when he goes to open the door, he’s not surprised to see Win standing on the other side.

Except—

Bright’s been looking for his green hoodie for months and he thought he left it at his mother’s place in their province, but it turns out Win had it all this time. He’s wearing it now, and Bright’s eyes are focused on how tight it looks on him around the shoulders.

Seeing Win in his clothes is bringing back memories and Bright’s trying to stop his brain from remembering but he can’t. He can’t because Win is standing in his apartment wearing his clothes and Bright can barely focus. 

Win seems to realize that Bright’s looking at his hoodie, because he looks down and smiles.

“That’s my hoodie,” Bright says, almost matter-of-fact. “I’ve been looking for that for months.”

“You gave it to me back in August and I forgot to give it back,” Win says, simply. “Can you let me in or are we really going to have this conversation in a hallway?”

Bright reluctantly pushes the door open and lets Win close the door behind him.

“Why are you here?” Bright asks, and he feels like he’s back at his apartment that first night when Win got him roped into this.

“No Ame again?”

  
Bright huffs. “She’s asleep, just get into the point, will you.”

“Fine,” the other boy sighs. “I thought it would be good for us to see each other before Christmas, P’Bai,” Win suggests. “Because I don’t think my parents are gonna believe we’re still together if you act like this in front of them.”

Bright laughs. “This is different. You showed up at my apartment unannounced, for the second time in less than two weeks and what, I’m supposed to be okay with it and not ask why you decided to come over?”

“You have a point, I’m just saying—”

“I won’t embarrass you in front of your parents, Metawin, if that’s what you want to hear,” Bright says, rolling his eyes. He moves from the couch and walks to the kitchen to grab a water bottle from the fridge.

“Yeah,” Win says, but it doesn’t sound very convincing. “I just want to know if there are, like, boundaries I need to know about before we do this.”

There aren’t, not really. Bright isn’t opposed to kissing Win if they need to, and he knows that Win is a bit more private when it comes to public displays of affection, so.

Bright wants to say something, but he doesn’t say anything. He’s the one mad at Win; he doesn’t want Win to be mad at him too, on top of that.

“Like I said, I won’t embarrass you in front of your parents.”

This time, Win leaves without Bright telling him to leave. Maybe it’s for the best.

* * *

The rest of December flies by and before he knows it, Bright’s in the passenger seat on the way to the Opas-iamkajorn mansion with Win driving next to him.

The drive there is uneventful—Bright spends most of it thinking too hard. He knows he shouldn’t get cold feet now, because if it was too late to back out before, it’s definitely too late to back out now. Win is fidgety next to him, and every time he moves, his shoulder brushes against Bright’s and Bright tries not to let it distract him too much, but it does. Being close to Win again shouldn’t be this hard, but it is.

They don’t really talk when they get off Win’s car, just mild conversation. It’s too awkward and it feels strange, because there’s never been this much awkwardness between the two of them—even when they were friends in the beginning. 

Being with Win has always been an easy thing; Bright never thought he had to force anything for things to feel good and real between them, but now is different.

They’re trying to fool Win’s parents and some of his extended family into thinking that they never broke up and are still the happy couple they always were, but they can’t even look each other in the eye. These past few months without Win have been awful for Bright and he doesn’t think he can just pretend they never happened, just to please Win’s family. 

In a way, he’s glad he doesn’t have to do this with his family, too, because he doesn’t think he could pull off lying about this to them.

“We’re gonna have to talk at some point, you know?” Bright says after a while. He doesn’t speak too loudly, but he makes sure that it’s loud enough for Win to hear.

“I know,” Win says. “Just—this is crazy.”

Bright laughs. “Yeah,” he says, breathily. “I’m sure we can pull it off, though.”

The song on the radio changes to a Honne song and Bright wishes he couldn’t hear it. He’s sure Win noticed too, because he’s looking at him. Bright can feel his eyes on him, and he doesn’t want to talk about this – doesn’t want to talk about how all the love songs that play on the radio remind him of Win. If that was true when they were dating, it’s even more true now that they’ve broken up.

He looks out of the window.

“Do you remember last year, with my family?” Bright says, breaking the silence himself to make sure that if they were going to talk about something, it wasn’t the large amount of love songs playing on the radio these days. “We had fun and we were just us. This doesn’t have to be any different. We don’t have to pretend to be something we’re not—we just have to be who we were when we were together, and things are going to be fine.”

“I remember,” Win says. “I know I said I didn’t expect you to agree to this, phi, but I’m really glad you did.”

Win smiles and Bright can’t help but smile, too. It’s hard not to smile around Win, and as much as he tries not to be happy around him anymore, it’s proven harder than he thought. 

Dating Win was one of the easiest decisions he’s made. Win is someone people don’t hesitate to surround themselves with, because his energy and his smile pull you in. The fact that he looks the way he does—well-built and relatively in shape—doesn’t hurt either.

Win is Bright’s dream guy for those reasons and many more, but there was no way he was gonna say no to having a chance to be with him again, even if it was just for show.

“I’m glad I did, too,” Bright says, and he means it.

“Truce?”

Bright smiles. “Yeah, okay, truce,” he says easily, because as hard as it is to admit, this isn’t going to go well unless they’re on good terms. 

_Temporarily, at least._

The drive to Win’s house is shorter than Bright had thought. The car enters the driveway and slows down next to a mansion with a lot of Christmas decorations—there are garlands and lights and there’s even a lit-up tree on the front lawn. There’s a welcome party at the door, waiting for them when Win parks his car. 

Bright looks over to Win and he thinks that’s the first genuine smile he’s seen on Win in a while. _He’s always been a family man,_ he thinks. That’s why he can’t help but smile, too, grabbing his carry-on from the trunk. 

The first person Win runs to is his sister, who hugs him before he’s even dropped his bags.

“Hey, P’Mingie,” Win says. He hugs her tight and Bright stands behind them awkwardly.

Mama Ole is still standing in the doorway and she’s smiling at Bright. She looks so happy to see him that he’s a little taken aback. 

Bright supposes that’s how Win felt when he saw his mom last Christmas. 

They don’t spend too much time in the doorway, instead closing the door and stepping inside where it’s warm. It’s not particularly cold outside, but Bright only brought a windbreaker because he didn’t think the weather would get a little colder now that the sun is gone.

“Welcome,” Win’s mom says. “We’re so glad you two could be here for Christmas this year.”

Bright smiles and wai’s. “Thanks for having me, khun mae.”

* * *

It’s too easy to get used to being in each other’s space again. There’s no adjustment period—no awkwardness or anything. Everyone is sitting on the couch before they move to the kitchen for dinner and Bright’s sitting at the end of the couch with Win. Win has an arm wrapped around Bright’s waist and it’s... good. 

They’re talking about some of the current trends this Christmas and the conversation flows without any hitch and if he knew better, Bright would believe that he and Win are as close as they used to be when they were together. It’s like those two months spent not talking to each other didn’t happen, for a second.

“We saw you by the way, during your album launch, Bright,” Win’s dad says, keeping the conversation going. “Pretty impressive turnaround at Paragon, so we decided not to bother you. We bought a vinyl version but we haven’t had the chance to listen to it.”

_Shit._

Bright wishes they won’t, because most of the songs he had written is about their son. 

He remembers that day for the good and for the bad though—the bad being Bright sitting in his room waiting for Win to text him or even call him to congratulate him about the album launch. It’s stupid, now that he thinks about it, because they were broken up and clearly not on speaking terms, so it would be weird for Win to talk to him just for that.

Still, Bright would’ve appreciated it.

“Yeah,” Bright says. “That was such a fun night, khun paw. I’m never going to forget it.”

Win’s dad turns to Win. “You called him after, right? I remember you telling me he called you when your collab with Tilly Birds happened.”

Win looks at Bright and then back at his dad. “Yeah, I did. I made sure to call him before his album launch. I didn’t want him to feel like he had to talk to me about it instead of celebrating, but we definitely talked about it after. I’m proud of him,” he says.

Win’s dad seems to buy it. Bright wishes it was that easy and that he could eat that up like everyone else, but he can’t. 

_He fucking can’t._

He hates how real it sounds even though it didn’t happen. He wishes that’s how it happened and after he sang three of his songs that reminded him of Win, all he could think about was how he wanted to talk to Win about it. 

Win’s first collaboration with his favorite band was a moment that Bright got to share with Win and that he’s going to remember for the rest of his life. He wishes Win could say the same about his.

Thankfully, they don’t have time to talk about this for too long because they move to the kitchen for dinner. Bright stands up, takes a deep breath and lets Win put his hand on the small of his back as they make their way to the table. He’s still surprised at how easy it was for Win to lie to his parents about this, but then he remembers that Win’s the one that came up with this whole sham to lie to his parents in the first place.

Dinner is really good—they ate and still managed to act like a couple for most of it. Everything felt natural, like the way Win would make sure Bright had enough of everything, the way he’d hold Bright’s hand under the table when he caught Mick looking. 

He’s sure that to someone looking at the two of them, they seemed like two guys in love with each other and Bright wishes that was the case—wishes Win still loved him. Instead, all he sees is how methodically calculated Win’s every movements are.

Luckily, the subject changes and they focus on Win’s sister, Mesa, instead, asking her how her classes were during her last semester. Win asks a few questions himself, and he seems utterly interested in what she’s saying which is good because Bright doesn’t think he can focus much on what’s going on around the table with the way Win is smiling at his sister.

He always knew they were close, even though he hadn’t really ever met her that much compared to Mick, but their bond is stronger than Bright could’ve imagined. She’s like the girl-version of Win—attentive, happy and she has the same energy to her that Win has.

* * *

They make it to dessert without being caught and Bright finds himself lucky that they even made it this far. 

Win gets up to go to the bathroom before the end of dinner and Bright’s left alone at the table trying to make nice with a family he’s super familiar with.

He’s had private dinners with them before, many times to count, but it was during their day-offs when he and Win were still very much in love. This is different now, because this isn’t real.

This is just for show, and he’s worried it’s gonna show on his face that they’re not serious about this.

Thankfully, he doesn’t really have to deal with Win’s parents because his mom grabs everyone’s plates and makes sure to clear the table before they eat dessert. Win’s dad is in the kitchen—probably preparing dessert—which leaves Bright alone with Win’s sister, Mesa.

“Hey,” she says, taking Win’s seat while he’s gone. “So, I didn’t get to do this last year because you guys didn’t spend Christmas here, but even if he’s my brother, I’ll fight you if you break his heart.”

Bright smiles, though he’s admittedly a bit scared. “Noted,” he says. “My uncle told him the same thing last year, so he’s been warned too.”

“You know, I know we’re not that close, but I’m willing to fight him if he breaks your heart too. Deal?” she says, and Bright’s not going to cry. He’s not.

And that’s when it hits him. Bright knew that this wasn’t going to go smoothly, because things like this rarely do—not that he’s talking from experience or anything—but this is a bump in the road that he didn’t expect. 

It’s already hard enough for him to pretend that Win didn’t break his heart a few months ago, that to have his sister talk about it as a possibility and not like an actual thing that happened is a lot to take in.

“Deal,” Bright says, belatedly.

If he sounds off, she doesn’t seem to notice.

Thankfully, Win isn’t gone for too long and the minute he comes back, he and his sister start talking about something else and Bright can get lost in his thoughts without looking like he’s not listening to what they’re saying.

The hard part wasn’t having to act like he still had feelings for Win. That still comes easily to him, no matter how much he wishes it didn’t. His feelings for Win are still there, just buried under a few months of anger and heartbreak. 

He knows he has to get over Win and that this isn’t exactly the best way to do so but being here with Win is better than anything he’d have ever expected.

Bright spent the last month or so mentally preparing himself for any argument they’d have over stupid things, for anything he would have to do to make sure this goes as planned and the thing is, everything was going so well so far that Bright doesn’t know what to think. 

On one hand, he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, but on the other hand, he doesn’t mind how well things are going because it’s bringing back memories that he never thought he could have. He’s also mentally prepared himself for the eventual heartbreak when this is all going to be over. 

* * *

The rest of dinner goes by smoothly, and by the end of it, everyone moves back to the living room to watch a Christmas movie. It doesn’t take long for everyone to agree on Home Alone, and Mick takes the lazy boy so that Win and Bright can have the couch to themselves.

Bright’s head is on Win’s lap and he can feel Win’s fingers running through his hair. It’s comfortable, at first, and Bright would even go as far as saying he likes it. He’s getting more and more tired as the night goes on and Win’s fingers in his hair are relaxing. Bright doesn’t know what this looks like from an onlooker’s point of view, but if he didn’t know any better, he’d think that Win still has feelings for him, even after breaking up with Bright so heartlessly.

He doesn’t know when he falls asleep, but when he wakes up, he’s still in the living room with his head propped on Win’s thighs. There’s a pillow under his head—he assumes Win put it there when Bright’s head got too heavy after a while—but Win’s fingers are still tangled in Bright’s hair and it’s probably reaching to think that it actually means something, but Bright’s not a huge believer in coincidences. Mick and the others are long gone and the TV is shut off, so it must be pretty late.

Bright turns his head to look at Win and he seems to have dozed off during the movie too. He nudges him, hoping that Win wakes up easily so he doesn’t have to carry him to the bedroom. That’d be awkward, especially since Bright doesn’t know which room is theirs and wants to avoid walking into a room where he’s clearly not wanted.

“Hey,” he says, loud enough for Win to hear but not too loud, either. “We should go sleep upstairs. I’m not spending the night on the couch and neither are you.”

Win moves a little, but he groans. It makes Bright smile, for a second, because he doesn’t want to move from the couch either. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but it was also cozy, which is something he’d missed. He stops smiling the second Win starts moving and he moves too, standing up and waiting for Win to show him the direction of the bedroom. Win’s childhood home is so huge, it’s easy to get lost in a house you’re not really familiar with.

They walk up the stairs and funnily enough, Win’s room is the first one on the right.

And the thing is, Bright thought he was prepared for everything that was going to happen on this trip, but the one thing he hadn’t thought about was the sleeping arrangements. He made a list on his phone of everything they’d probably end up doing based on what happened last year, but sharing a bed never crossed his mind. Obviously, last year when it was Win’s turn to meet the family for Christmas, they’d slept together in his room, like always. It had been fine, at the time, because they were together and didn’t mind cuddling and sleeping together. 

This time around, it’s a little different.

Bright stops in the doorway next to Win and judging by the look on Win’s face, he didn’t think about how they’d probably end up sleeping together, either.

Bright walks into the room when it looks like Win isn’t going to move, and he heads for his suitcase. Win follows him and they don’t talk—this is the first time things are awkward ever since they arrived and Bright isn’t sure if he likes it. He liked it better when he was snuggled on the couch with Win, when Win was playing in his hair like they’d done that before and not like it was a one-time thing.

“You can have the bathroom first,” Bright hears from the other side of the room.

Luckily, Win has his own bathroom so Bright grabs everything he needs and walks to the bathroom. He turns the light on, puts all of his things on the counter and lets his back hit against the door quietly.

Bright closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. They’re not even a day in and he’s rethinking every choice he’s made ever since that night Win came over to his place. The urge to call or text First to ask him what he should do is weighing on him, but his phone is on the counter under his toiletries bag so it’s too far out of reach for him to do anything. He wants to open the door to the bathroom and ask Win how he feels about everything—ask him if he felt it too, when the mood changed from easy and comfortable to awkward and painful.

He doesn’t do any of that. Instead, he splashes cold water on his face, brushes his teeth and he’s out of the bathroom in under 10 minutes.

Win is lying on the bed when Bright walks out of the bathroom. He’s sitting on the left side—the side he always favored back when they were together, and even before that—and Bright slips under the covers next to him for a bit before Win gets up without saying a word.

Win eventually comes back to bed and even though this is a queen bed just like the ones they’ve shared many times before, he sleeps as far away from Bright as possible. Bright’s turned on his side and he kind of misses how things were before—how things were when they were on the couch pretending to be madly in love.

And what hurts the most is that he wishes they didn’t have to pretend at all.

* * *

Bright spends the first part of the night twisting and turning, and he settles on lying on his back for a while, staring at the ceiling. Part of him always knew that getting into bed with Win—both literally and figuratively—was going to make the feelings he has for Win resurface. He only did it because he knows how much family means to Win and he didn’t want to ruin Christmas for them by not showing up. The way Win’s mom’s face lit up when they were walking up to the front porch was enough for Bright to understand that he made the right decision.

He moves around a little, turning to his side. Win is sleeping next to him, facing the other way and Bright spends a moment staring at his back.

“Can’t sleep, P’Bai?” Win mumbles, quietly. He turns around, facing Bright, and it makes Bright smile for a quick second. He doesn’t let it linger too long, but just long enough for Win to smile back at him.

“No, but it’s fine,” Bright says, “I’ll fall asleep eventually.” 

Win moves so that he’s lying on his back and he pulls Bright closer and Bright goes easily. He doesn’t question it and he just lets himself have this. His head is on top of Win’s heart and he can hear how fast Win’s heart is beating. 

Sleeping like this feels familiar and it reminds Bright of those warm summer nights spent in his apartment, with the AC on while they watched Netflix and lost track of time. It reminds Bright of those nights spent in Win’s condo, too, sleeping with Win’s arm wrapped around him. 

As angry as he is that Win decided to walk back into his life after breaking his heart, Bright does enjoy these little moments.

“You used to sleep fine when we slept together, you know, before,” Win says.

Bright’s quiet for a moment. “Yeah, well—” he says, and he lets the silence finish the sentence for him. He doesn’t have to add anything like breaking up does that to people for Win to understand what he’s trying to say.

Win wraps his arm around Bright and Bright doesn’t even flinch. “This okay?”

“Yeah,” Bright says, easily. “It’s good. Good night.”

“Good night.”

It doesn’t take too long before Bright’s eyelids feel heavy and he falls asleep.

* * *

Bright wakes up to the smell of pancakes. It’s an unfamiliar scent since he’s so used to either living alone in his apartment all season or living out of suitcases on the road, but it’s familiar enough that it reminds him of home. 

The bed is empty next to him and it doesn’t take a lot of figuring out to realize that Win is downstairs in the kitchen, probably making pancakes with his parents. Bright gets up, puts his glasses on and starts making his way downstairs, following the smell of pancakes to the kitchen where he finds Win and his mom at the kitchen table, eating breakfast.

There’s a lot of food on the table and Bright smiles at Win’s mom before taking a seat next to Win.

“Good morning,” he says, to everyone in the room.

There are pancakes on the table with maple syrup and it smells so good that Bright has to refrain from taking everything. He grabs his plate and puts two or three pancakes in it. Win hands him the maple syrup without him having to ask and he mouths a small ‘thank you’ that he follows with a smile, not only because he can see Win’s mom watching in the corner of his eye, but because he thought things were starting to get better after the conversation they had in bed last night and he was hoping for things to stay that way.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Win’s mom says. “Meet us in the living room when you’re done.”

“Sounds good, khun mae,” Win says. Bright smiles at her before she leaves the room.

He takes another bite of his pancake after that, and Win is scrolling through Instagram on his phone, which makes Bright want to lean over to see what he’s doing like old times. 

He doesn’t.

“Do you know what your parents have planned for the rest of the day?” Bright asks to distract himself from the things he wants to do but can’t do anymore.

_Sigh._

“What, phi, are you bored already?”

“No, I just—”

Win looks up from his phone with a lopsided smile. “I know I was kidding,” he says. He’s running a hand through his hair before grabbing another strawberry from the basket on the table. “We have presents in the living room after you’re done eating and then I think the rest of the family is coming over and it’s tradition to play a game of football with the kids. After that, Christmas dinner and I think that’s it,” Win says.

“Sounds fun,” Bright says, getting up to put his plate in the dishwasher.

After breakfast, they move to the living room for presents. Bright’s too busy thinking about how Win’s hand is resting on the small of his back to remember that he left his present for Win upstairs, so it’s only when he notices all the presents under the tree that weren’t there last night that he excuses himself to go upstairs to grab it.

He stops in his tracks when he walks into the room, because he takes one look at the unmade bed and memories from last summer and last year pop up in his head. 

Bright thinks about all the beds he shared with Win since last year and about how different from all of those times last night was. He remembers one time last summer when they were in Phuket for a shoot. They’d booked a room together and even though it was hot in the room and that the AC wasn’t on for most of the night, Bright remembers waking up the next morning with Win by his side feeling like he had slept for days even though it had only been 8 hours at most.

He remembers all the nights they spent together during concerts and fanmeets, thinking that everyone had no clue that they ended up sleeping in each other’s rooms.

He also can’t forget all those times in his apartment when they spent the rest of the summer together. He remembers waking up in bed with Win and even though they had so much planned for the rest of the day because of filming for their current series that time, all he wanted to do was stay in bed with Win and spend the rest of the day there.

Seeing the unmade bed brings back all the good memories that Bright wouldn’t give up for anything in the world. Right now, though, he thinks about how this morning he woke up and Win wasn’t there and even though they’d slept apart for the past few months, it still felt completely wrong for him to wake up without Win.

He shakes his head, when he hears laughter downstairs and heads straight to his suitcase to grab Win’s gift, and gets out of the room as fast as he can.

He comes back downstairs, and everyone is looking at him, almost like they were all waiting for him and Bright doesn’t know how much time he spent upstairs in the doorway but judging by the look on all of their faces, it probably was way longer than Bright realized.

He pushes his specs he decided to wear today up on his nose a little and takes a seat next to Win.

“Who wants to go first?” Win’s dad asks.

“I’ll go,” Win says, and he walks up to the tree and grabs a box that’s almost the size of Bright’s.

It’s wrapped nicely, almost too nicely that Bright doesn’t believe Win wrapped it himself. It makes him laugh, because he thinks about the present he bought Win and how he asked the people at the store to wrap it for him because he wanted it to look good instead of having it look like someone who clearly didn’t know what to do tried to wrap a present.

Win comes back and takes back his seat next to Bright. He hands him the gift and their hands brush together for a second and Bright would ignore it except it made him shiver and the feeling lingers for a moment. 

Bright doesn’t take his time opening it—he’s never been able to, dating back to when he was a little kid. He’s surprised to see what’s inside, and not because he doesn’t appreciate it, but because he didn’t think Win remembered that Bright talked about wanting this since last year. 

It’s a watch—a really expensive customized one with his name engraved on it, and as much as Bright can afford it with the salaries they make, he never thought he’d actually own one just like this. He sits there in awe and he looks up at Win and gives him the most genuine smile he can muster.

“I can’t believe you remembered,” Bright says, still smiling.

He’s glad Win is smiling too. “Of course, I remembered. You talked about this last year and I wanted to get you this for your birthday, but well, you know I gave you something else.”

Bright gulps when he remembers; aside from the painting he has done himself, Win gave him a dog.

_“He could be our son, if you want,” Win joked around that time when he gave him the bangkaew puppy. “And I named him Saisho, which means beginning.”_

_“Saisho?”_

_“Yes,” Win gave him that cheeky eye smile he loves. “Because you’re my day one, phi.”_

“Thank you,” Bright says, and he’s sure he looks flushed and a bit teary-eyed from that memory. He leans in and gives Win a hug and Win hugs him back like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

Bright already had Win’s present with him when he came to sit down on the couch, so instead of moving on to someone else, Bright grabs the box from where it sits at his feet and puts it on Win’s lap.

“Open yours now.”

He’s not expecting much of a reaction even though this gift comes from a place of love and not of hatred. Buying a gift for Win when Bright’s still angry at him for breaking his heart was hard, but he thinks that Win’s going to love it nonetheless.

Win rips the paper just like Bright did, and the smile on his face when he sees the box is so big that Bright thinks he might have picked the right gift after all.

“Is this what I think it is?” he asks. He’s still got that smile on his face that is to die for.

Bright shrugs and waits for Win to open the box. His reaction is priceless, and Bright wishes he was filming this. Win takes the slippers out of the box and he looks so happy. “I love them.”

“Yeah, I saw them and thought you’d like them,” Bright says. His arm is still wrapped around Win’s middle and he just squeezes him a little tighter. “They were a limited edition and I thought you could add them to your collection. You can’t ever have too many Hermès' slippers, right?”

Win laughs a little. “That’s what I always say,” he says, to Bright but to his parents and siblings too. “I really love them, thank you,” he adds, kissing Bright’s cheek.

It seems to please Win’s parents.

Bright isn’t too pleased. He can tell Win wanted to kiss him and that he wasn’t sure if he could and now he feels like an asshole for not telling Win that he could kiss him when he came over at the beginning of the month to talk about which lines they could and couldn’t cross.

He doesn’t let himself think about it too long and sits there while Win and the rest of his family exchange the rest of their gifts.

* * *

They put Christmas music on afterwards to clean up the mess of wrapping paper that’s left on the floor. Win’s parents are in the kitchen getting lunch ready for when Win’s extended family arrives in a few hours. Win warned him about the hoard of nieces and nephews that would come over in the afternoon. P’Mingie left after getting all her gifts with the promise of being back on time for dinner with the rest of the family, which leaves Win and Bright alone in the living room.

They fill two garbage bags with wrapping paper, tape and ribbons and they take both outside before coming back to sing Christmas songs off key. They’re having fun and it almost feels like they’re not pretending to be something they’re not which feels – good. It feels good to just be himself around Win like he has been for the past year. 

It reminds him of last year’s Christmas, too, because they had such a good time that they were already planning this year’s Christmas one year ahead.

The track changes and ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’ comes on and Bright can’t help but sing along to all the lyrics. He remembers thinking about this exact moment in the summer—thinking about how they would probably spend time singing Christmas songs together, cuddled on the couch. This is a little different, but it’s so good that Bright isn’t going to complain about it.

They’re being more touchy than usual, but Bright doesn’t mind it one bit. Win grabs his hand and pulls him closer and Bright just lets him. Win wraps his arms around Bright’s waist and they’re so close that it would be so easy to close the distance between them.

It would be so easy for Bright to get a hand on the back of Win’s neck and tug him down for a kiss. 

He doesn’t know who moves first, but one minute they’re dancing and singing along to Mariah Carey and the next, they’re kissing. It’s not awkward at all at first and it makes Bright smile through the kiss. He didn’t think he’d forget how good kissing Win feels, but this is much better than what he remembered. 

Bright kisses him back with ease. They kiss for a while and Bright only pulls back when he hears the song change and it ruins the mood.

He looks up at Win and kisses him again, just because it looks like he can.

“Sorry,” Win says.

“It’s okay,” Bright says. “We—I’m surprised we lasted this long without doing that.”

Win smiles. “I wanted to, before. I just—I wasn’t sure you were okay with me kissing you, after everything.”

“Yeah,” Bright says, “I’m okay with it. I mean, it’s just going to make it more believable now.”

Win doesn’t say anything for a while, but he goes back to the living room to sit on the couch, while Bright heads for the living room to ask if Win’s parents need any help. His hand comes up to his lips for a second and they’re still warm. 

He smiles to himself and enters the kitchen.

* * *

They kiss again before the rest of Win’s family arrives. 

Bright’s getting dressed in something warmer than a t-shirt because Win just said they might be playing football, when Win corners him outside of the bathroom. He’s got a hand on the wall and the other one is on Bright’s hip. Bright doesn’t do anything, at first, and just lets Win kiss him.

Bright doesn’t hesitate this time before kissing him back and he gets lost into the kiss easily. Bright didn’t think he’d ever miss making out with someone, but he’s definitely missed making out with Win in the last few months.

The sound of footsteps outside the room brings them back to reality. Their kisses so far never last long, but they’re enough to keep Bright on his toes for the next time it’s gonna happen.

“What was that one for?” Bright says, and he’s confused without trying to let it show too much because he knows that this is all for show, but no one’s in the room right now and Win had no reason at all to kiss him, this time.

He didn’t the first time either, Bright thinks.

“You’re too much, phi,” Win says.

Bright laughs. “What? That doesn’t even make any sense, Metawin. If you’re saying what I think you’re saying, you’re definitely the one who’s too much. Your arms barely fit into the sleeves of your shirt and it’s taking every bit of self-control I have in me to ask you not to take your shirt off.”

Win doesn’t reply to that. He points to Bright’s specs instead. 

Bright grins, because he always forgets how much Win loves his glasses. He wears them because he can’t see much otherwise, but even after buying contact lenses, he still prefers wearing glasses because he knows how much Win loved them. 

It seems like his glasses still have the same effect on Win and Bright’s glad. He doesn’t know how long this truce he and Win have going on is going to last, so he’s definitely going to make the most of it.

“Oh yeah, I forgot how much you loved my specs,” Bright lies.

Bright hates how much he wants to kiss Win again in that moment, but Mesa walks into the room without knocking and says, “See you boys downstairs. Everyone’s starting to arrive!”

And as much as Bright wants to spend all afternoon here kissing Win, he knows they have better things to do on Christmas day that don’t involve making out.

* * *

They keep kissing after that and as much as Bright doesn’t want it to stop, he knows it can’t keep happening.

They’ve just won a game of football against the most competitive kids Bright’s ever seen and Win has that look on his face that Bright knows all too well at this point. Bright’s not against kissing him or anything, but he also knows that the more they kiss before they actually talk about what the kisses mean, the harder the conversation they’ve both been dreading is going to be.

Win kisses him in front of Mick of all people, and he feels bad for the kid who witnessed their cheesiness way back. Thank god he doesn’t seem surprised by his brother’s sudden need to be kissing his boyfriend in public. 

Win’s got a hand on the back of Bright’s neck and the kiss is over before Bright really gets to kiss back, but his lips are tingling and they’re warm and as much as his head is telling him that he wants more, his heart is telling him a different story.

“We shouldn’t do that anymore,” Bright says, when Win pulls back.

It’s direct and maybe a little too abrupt but he knows that it had to be said. Win seems disappointed and Bright can tell by the look on his face. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” Bright adds, when it doesn’t look like Win is going to say anything. “We haven’t talked about what happened, you know, back in September yet and I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“Okay,” Win says, and he’s off with Mick before Bright can blink twice.

* * *

So far on this trip, Bright’s spent too much time thinking about the ‘what if’s of everything that happened. Every time he kisses Win, there are a lot of things running through his head and it’s a lot. It’s like thinking about too many things at once when all he should be focusing on is the way Win’s lips are moving against his own. 

Instead, he’s thinking about what it all means. He’s asking himself questions that he knows he should be asking Win, but he can’t. Not now. He’s not ready to get his heart broken again.

He goes upstairs to the bathroom and when he realizes that it’s empty, he locks himself in. And, before he knows it, he’s calling First and it rings once, twice, and then it’s too late to hang up.

“Hey,” Bright says, but it’s rushed because he wants to get to the point.

First sounds amused on the other side. “You know that it’s Christmas, right phi? The holidays are supposed to be a moment for all of us to just enjoy our time with our families. I shouldn’t have to deal with whatever you’re about to tell me.”

“Okay, right, you shouldn’t have to deal with it, but please, this is important. It’ll only take a second,” Bright says, and he’s insistent but only because he doesn’t know how he’s going to get through this if First doesn’t help him deal with things. Deal with Win, too.

First laughs on the other end. “Alright, I’ll bite. Make it quick, though.”

“The gist of it is that, like, me and Win keep kissing and it doesn’t make any sense.”

“You kissed?” First asks, and he sounds delighted. “That’s a good thing!”

Bright disagrees. “How is that good, nong? We haven’t talked about, you know, everything, and he kissed me. What does that mean? Why does he keep doing it?”

There’s a moment of silence on the other end and Bright tells himself not to panic. If anyone’s going to make sense out of everything, it has to be First. 

Even if it’s Christmas day, he’ll find time to make things clearer for Bright. Otherwise, he’d probably have hung up the phone by now.

“First, you need to chill,” First says. “You’re saying he kissed you first, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So, talk to him,” First says.

Bright laughs. “It’s not that easy.”

“No, believe me, it is,” First says, sighing. “All you have to do is talk to him and deal with this with him. I don’t know how you two lasted so long together if you can’t even talk to each other. This is Win Metawin Opas-iamkajorn we’re talking about. He has a reason for everything he does, so just talk to him.”

This is the first time Bright’s not entirely convinced with what First says. He’s going to try talking to Win, but with the way he walked out of the room earlier, he’s not sure talking about this with Win is going to be possible. 

There’s that and also the fact that there’s a bunch of people on Win’s mom’s side that he hasn’t met yet and they’re probably going to spend most of the night talking with them, so talking isn’t really an option. At least, not right now.

“Fine, I’ll try,” Bright says, after a while. “Oh, and Merry Christmas, nong.”

That makes First laugh, at least. “Merry Christmas, phi,” he says, and hangs up a second later.

Bright walks out of the bathroom and goes back downstairs with everyone.

* * *

The rest of the day is terrible. It’s like breaking up all over again. Except this time, Bright doesn’t know who’s more to blame—him or Win.

They have dinner with Win’s extended family and they still pretend to be in love around them, but it’s harder than it was before. Win can barely look at him and when he gets the chance, he looks away and talks to his siblings. 

Things are tense and if Bright can feel it, someone else in the room is probably feeling it too. Bright’s thinking about how if he hadn’t said anything, maybe things would’ve been fine for a few more hours and they could’ve talked before going to bed. It’s too late now to change anything, but he still wishes he could.

Once dinner is over, most of the kids meet up in the basement to play PS6 and Win follows them, and Bright decides to give him a little space by helping out in the kitchen with the dishes. It was that or going back upstairs and hiding in the bathroom until it was okay to come out and he thinks that the first idea is a much better one and it helps more people in the end.

“Do you need help with anything?” he says, standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

Mama Ole turns around and offers Bright a nice smile. “It’s very nice of you to ask, but I think we’re going to be okay here. You can go in the basement with everyone if you want, or there’s probably a Christmas movie on the TV in the living room.”

“Are you sure, khun mae?” Bright asks, “because I don’t mind helping you with the dishes at all.”

“You’re our guest, luuk,” she smiles. “I’m sure there’s something for you to do downstairs. This is your day off as much as it is my son’s, so please don’t feel like you have to do anything to help.”

Win’s mom still calls him ‘luuk’, which made him feel more guilty than he is.

He goes downstairs after all, although rather reluctantly.

What he finds downstairs is about 8 kids sitting on the couch, Win sitting on the floor, and they’ve got four controllers to play FIFA on PS6. Win has one in his hands and he looks like he’s losing by a lot against his nieces and nephews, but he seems like he’s having fun for the first time ever since that conversation they had. He picked Real Madrid, which doesn’t surprise Bright one bit since he knows Win fancies Ronaldo, but what surprises him is the fact that his nephews picked Barcelona.

This reminded him bitterly of their late-night FIFA sessions last year.

He’s staring at the TV, standing behind everyone else so that he doesn’t distract anyone when one of Win’s nieces turns around and tugs on the sleeve of his sweater.

“Do you want to play on my team after, P’Bright?” she says, and she’s giving him a big smile that it’s almost impossible for Bright to say no.

He smiles back at her. “Yeah, of course. Who are we playing?”

“Whoever wins the next game,” she says, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “I wanted to play with you because I want to win against Real Madrid.”

“Sounds good to me,” Bright says, still smiling.

Surprisingly, things are okay for a while. 

Win and his nephew aren’t very good and Bright and one of Win’s nieces win the game easily 6-2. Bright scores a few goals with his own player, which makes everyone around the room laugh and Bright almost feels like he’s at home playing with his family at that very moment.

He can’t help but steal a few glances to Win when he’s not looking.

* * *

They go back upstairs for dessert later on, and most of the kids look tired, so it looks like they’re not going to stay over very long. 

Bright yawns, feeling a little tired too, and he helps carry a few of them who’ve fallen asleep upstairs to their parents. Win is right behind him and once they’ve placed the sleeping kids on the couch, they go back to the kitchen table together. 

They don’t hold hands, but Win’s hand is on the small of his back again and Bright feels better—feels like he can breathe again.

Having Win not touch him for so long was weird and he’d like not to do that again. He knows that in a few days once this is all over, they’re going to have to tell Win’s parents that they broke up, but for now, he’d rather spend all of his time reminiscing all the time he spent together with Win instead of thinking about how they need to break up, again. He doesn’t think he can get through that.

Everyone’s walking around with a piece of cake in a paper plate and Win and Bright aren’t exactly talking, but they’re standing close to each other when someone behind them clears their throat, making Bright turn around to see what’s going on.

He looks confused to see Win’s mom and P’Mingie standing next to each other, looking at the ceiling, but it doesn’t take long for him to figure out that even though there wasn’t a mistletoe hanging out from the ceiling before, there happens to be one now. They’re both caught off guard, and they look at each other before looking back at Win’s mom.

“You have to do it, it’s tradition,” she says.

Bright thought that only Win’s mom was looking but when he turns back around, it looks like they’ve accumulated quite the audience. It would be stupid not to do it, because everyone’s watching, and they’d been kissing behind closed doors before Bright put a stop to it. 

This is no different—they just have to pretend like no one’s watching them.

Win’s definitely flushing and Bright can feel it when he puts a hand on his neck. He’s looking into Win’s eyes, trying to figure out whether or not they’re really doing this or if they should just kiss each other on the cheek and call it a day. Win leans down and whispers in Bright’s ear.

“Can I kiss you, phi?” he asks, and Bright’s almost surprised at the question. “I know you said you wanted us to stop earlier. It’s okay if you don’t want—”

Bright doesn’t let him finish and uses the hand he has on Win’s neck to move his head in the right position for a kiss. It doesn’t last long; most kisses under the mistletoe never do, but it seems to last long enough for everyone that’s looking at them to be satisfied. The reactions are mixed—while a lot of the kids seem to be groaning by the intense display of affection, most of the adults seem to find them both adorable.

“That was so sweet,” P’Mingie chuckles. “Maybe try and look up instead of looking at each other next time, boys.”

She doesn’t have to say much more than that for Bright to know that it was her that put the mistletoe up there, and that Win’s mom had no problem helping her or enabling her. He remembers Win groan at how hopeless of a romantic P’Mingie is, and he doesn’t know whether or not to thank her for what she’s done.

They go into the living room and Win’s cheeks are still flushed. They’re sitting on the couch together, holding hands awkwardly and all Bright wants to do is lay down like he did that first night and have Win play in his hair for a while. 

He doesn’t, though, because that’s enough PDA for today. 

Win seems to agree, judging by the look on his face. He’s smiling—that easy kind of smile that Bright fell in love with and it doesn’t take much more than that for Bright to smile, too.

When they go to bed that night, Win goes back to giving Bright the cold shoulder.

Bright looks at the ceiling and tries to stop the hurt he’s feeling in his chest.

* * *

Things go back to normal the next morning, and the weird thing is, Bright wishes they didn’t. He wants things to be painful and awkward, just like they were the first time around when they broke up. This isn’t a break up, technically—they don’t have to tell Win’s parents about the break up for another week or so—but it feels like one in many ways.

Bright’s done helping Win’s dad with the dishes when Win and his mom walk into the kitchen. Bright’s got a damp dish cloth on his shoulder and he turns towards Win with a smile. It’s quick—not forced, and almost genuine and Win smiles back at him, except it’s one of those smiles that Bright is very familiar with. 

It’s one of those smiles that made Bright fall for Win in the first place.

Win’s mom looks at Bright, and then back at Win, and then says, “I’m glad you boys have each other. You really make my boy happy, Bright, I’m glad he has you.”

_Fuck._

Bright smiles at her, because he’s frozen, and he can’t move. He’s glad Win’s mom is buying their whole charade, or whatever, but pretending to be in love with his ex-boyfriend is starting to get super overwhelming. Bright was fine with doing this for Win in the first place, but he was wrong thinking things wouldn’t become too much for him to handle.

Bright puts the dish cloth on the counter and he’s lucky that Win’s nieces come barging into the kitchen asking for snacks, because that means he can leave the room discreetly and have some time alone with his thoughts. 

He grabs his windbreaker from the hanger, puts his shoes on and goes outside for a while. He’s not expecting Win to follow him outside or anything, but he sits on the front stairs and watches the younger kids playing street games. 

It’s quiet, apart from the yells and laughs, but it’s calming enough that Bright doesn’t feel like he can’t breathe anymore.

He knew this was a bad idea outright, but he couldn’t say no, and now he’s suffering the consequences. Or, like, something like that. The feeling in his chest is still there, tight, and he doesn’t see it going away for a while. 

_Fuck, he’s hurting. He’s hurting again. Or maybe the pain didn’t go away at all._

Falling in love with Win is one of the easiest things he’s done in his life, and falling out of love with him, well—that’s not really possible for him right now, is it? Win is everywhere and it’s Bright’s fault.

The front door opens behind him and Bright doesn’t have to turn around to know that it’s Win. He doesn’t have the chance to tell Win that he wants a second alone before Win sits next to him.

“I know that was a lot, back there,” Win says, putting a hand on Bright’s shoulder. “I can tell her to tone it down if you want. She just—”

“She wants the best for you, I get that,” Bright says, smiling at Win so he knows that he’s telling the truth. “I’m sorry for running out of there.”

“You don’t have to apologize, I’m the one who dragged you into this. I should’ve told them about us before it was too late. I’m the one who’s sorry,” Win says, and he sounds sincere enough that Bright believes him.

Hearing that Win is sorry doesn’t fix everything, but it definitely helps.

“You know, I didn’t tell the rest of my family either,” Bright says. He doesn’t know why he says it—to even the playing field, maybe, he’s not sure—but it feels good to have that out in the open. “It just never came up, I guess.”

And it’s true—Bright talks to his mom and uncles a lot and he kept talking about Win even after the break up. It helped that he was keeping a close eye with GMMTV’s projects, but it almost fooled him too, sometimes. 

Whenever P’Kik asks about Win’s current project in China, he remembers how excited Win was when he got the project.

He also remembers how worried he was that he won’t do great.

_“Don’t put yourself down, babe,” he remembers saying to Win. “You’re proficient in Mandarin already, plus you’re a great actor. One of the best I know. Better than that Korean actor you like, what’s his name again? Park Seo Joon?”_

_“Eugh, cheesy,” he sighs, but he knows Win understands what he’s saying based on the twinkles in his eyes. “Love you so much.”_

_Bright just smiles at his boyfriend. “I love you more.”_

They would text back and forth almost every day, too. Bright used to know what Win was up to most of the time. 

This time around, it’s different. He has to rely on Instagram to know what Win’s up to. It’s definitely different and he’s certainly not used to it but—

“Yeah,” Win says, breaking the silence. “Telling them also made it real, you know?”

That’s also one of the reasons why Bright didn’t tell his mom and uncles. He still wanted to believe that their break up was temporary, so telling his parents made it official that they wouldn’t get back together.

He’s still angry about everything but his anger towards Win is starting to dissipate. It’s still mostly Win’s fault that they’re not enjoying the holidays as much as they would’ve, were they still together, but this is the next best thing. 

Bright’s mom is in their province to spend Christmas with her sisters, so he would’ve probably spent the holidays alone with Ame and Saisho in Bangkok, watching too much Netflix and eating too much takeout. He’s sure some of his co-actors in GMMTV would’ve given him a pity invite to their Christmas dinner, but being here with Win is better.

_Surprisingly._

“So,” Win says, talking again. Bright feels like he hasn’t been doing much of the talking. “I’m an idiot.”

_What?_

Bright laughs, because he wasn’t expecting that at all.

“I’m not expecting you to forgive me, phi, because I know I hurt you,” Win says, “but I’m an idiot for breaking up with you in the first place. We had a good thing going, you and me, and then this summer was one of the best of my life because I got to spend most of it with you, despite our hectic filming schedules for F4 Thailand,” he smiles. “I still remember how you told Anan Magazine about wanting to be in the same space and feel the energy of your lover regardless of having individual times, because as long as you get to spend time with the person you like at the end of the day, you’d be okay. And to be honest, I was skeptical at first, but you really pulled through. You never broke your promise to me, either. Back when you told me I will always be part of your plans,” Win sighs and looks down. “Until it feels like it’s becoming more of a chore for you to take care of me.”

Bright froze at that.

“What do you mean?” Bright feels like screaming, because what the fuck is going on here. “I’ve always cared for you, Win. You know that. Like how you genuinely care for me.”

“I know, and I never doubted us,” Win stares at him directly. “But remember the first week I got here in Beijing? The workshops were really hard, and it’s much more difficult for me because I’d always turn around expecting you to be there and you weren’t.”

“I told you I’m always available, for you to call or text, what the fuck is not clicking, Win?”

Win stops talking and grabs his hand to calm him down. It seems to help, because Win continues.

“I knew I could text you or call you, if anything, but it wasn’t the same. We spent, what, two months apart, when we rarely spend two days away from each other without both of us going insane?” Win says, looking away from Bright. He laughs a little, but it’s a sad laugh, small and a little dejected. “It’s just that, remember that day when I was filming something here, and I called you more than 10 times?”

Bright almost chokes from hearing that.

“Win—”

“It was the time I had a panic attack because of the pressure, the time I needed you the most, but you hung up on me. And I understand, you were suddenly invited to an exclusive event by the producer of your upcoming album, and it’s your duty to be there. But remember what you did?”

Bright tries to hold Win’s hand, to make him understand that he didn’t mean it, that he was in the middle of—

“You told me with that pissed off voice of yours that you were in the middle of an important event, which you didn’t inform me about beforehand, and when I was about to tell you it’s okay, that I understand, you hung up,” Win’s eyes hardened. “For the first time in our relationship, you hung up on me. You didn’t even inform me you’ll be busy for the whole night. I wouldn’t have called, you know? I know your priorities and I respect that, because despite being together, we have our own paths to take,” he sighs. “I just hate how you made me feel like I’m some boyfriend of yours who is so clingy and desperate to talk to you when I can give you the space you need anytime you need it. For the first time in our relationship, you made me feel like I’m a thorn on your side.”

Bright is speechless at that.

“It’s stupid now that I say it out loud, but like, it hurt so much especially when I hadn’t heard from you until I called you again. So I thought that if we broke up, it would help you focus on your project, and me on my project and nothing else. Not at least until we have a project again together, but even that sounds disheartening—”

“Win, I’m sorry.”

Win froze at that, struggling to look at Bright, who looked on the verge of tears.

“I was dealing with something that day. I got the call to meet the producer late at night and I knew you were busy filming for your movie, so I didn’t bother you,” he sighs. “They wanted me to write songs that are marketable and catchy, and I was struggling to bite my tongue because I wanted to write whatever I wanted to write, but then you called,” he looks down. “I supposed I kind of snapped on you instead, and I didn’t even realize it because I was too angry about my situation that I never thought about yours."

“P’Bai—”

“Fuck, I even forgot to call you back the next day because I was fixing a proposal sheet for the songs I wanted in the album, which didn't happen by the way.”

Win paused at that. “Why not?”

“Because you broke my heart when you called me to break up, which is the content of like... most of the album,” he stares at Win gently, trying to convey his next few words. “I was so consumed with the pain and confusion that I didn’t realize, I also broke your heart in the process.”

Bright feels so horrible now, not knowing that he disregarded Win’s feelings like that when he knows the other boy rarely shows his feelings in public. 

_“You’re one of the few who I’m comfortable to share my vulnerable side with,” he remembers Win whispers to him one night when they were together. “So don’t break my heart, okay?”_

“Fuck, I’m so stupid.”

Bright didn’t expect to hear those words that fell out of Win’s mouth.

“What? You aren’t, not one bit,” he mumbles. “Stop making me feel better when it’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not. It’s mine. I should’ve waited for you to figure out whatever you were going through that time. I shouldn’t have made that decision to myself. I’m so selfish, phi. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

“No, it’s—let’s just agree we’re both at fault here,” Bright says, tightening his grip on Win’s hand. He twines their fingers together. “I just wish you had talked to me about it before, you know? We’ve been through so much, we could’ve gotten through that, too. Together.”

Win smiles gently. “Yeah, I know that now.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Bright says, because Win at least deserves that. “I’m—I know you were trying to get things back to normal when you came over at the beginning of the month and I didn’t wanna hear any of it.”

“I don’t blame you, if I were you I would’ve not agreed to meet with my stupid self either,” Win sighs deeply, which made Bright smiled a bit.

They sit there in silence for a while.

“So, what now?”

Win laughs. “I’m willing to give us a second chance if you are.”

“You really think I’m gonna say no? Even after all of this?” Bright asks.

Win shrugs. “Can’t read your mind, babe,” he says.

 _Babe,_ Bright realizes in that moment that he missed how he and Win used to be affectionate with each other before everything and Bright really wants to kiss him.

“So, are you gonna kiss me, or what?”

Win doesn’t have to be told twice. He pulls Bright closer to him and he kisses him, hard. It’s different than every kiss they’ve shared so far in this trip, not because this one is actually real but because it actually means something. 

They’ve gone through all of this only to get to the best part, which is the part where Bright leaves with a boyfriend. 

Bright smiles into the kiss and it’s not perfect, because Win smiles too. He pulls back to kiss the underside of Win’s jaw, only before he realizes that they’re still sitting on a balcony and that there are people walking on the street.

“We should take this inside,” Bright says, with one last kiss.

Win doesn’t seem to disagree. They stand up and they’re almost inside when Win says, “Yeah. There’s one thing that doesn’t make sense to me, though.”

“What’s that?”

“Why did you even agree to this in the first place? I’ll admit I was surprised that you said yes so quickly. Especially with the way I had treated you,” Win says.

Bright didn’t know why he agreed to this, at first. Now, though, with a clearer mind he does.

“I could lie and say that I only did it because I knew you’d do the same for me,” Bright says, bringing one of his hands up to cup Win’s face. “But the real reason I said yes is that I thought that maybe this was our only chance of getting back together and I wasn’t going to miss that. I didn’t know how it would end—I’ll be honest, I thought this would be terrible, but it wasn’t that bad. I’m definitely glad I agreed that night.”

Win stands there, staring at Bright for a moment. He leans in, kisses Bright again and then pulls back with a smile. “You’re pretty smart, you know that?”

Bright smiles. “So you’ve said.” He grins, pulling on the door handle so they can get inside. It’s starting to get a little cold and as much as he wants to be sentimental about this whole thing, he’d rather do it in the warmth of Win’s, in the arms of the person who is his home. 

“I love you, Win.”

“I love you more,” Win says. “First said he didn’t think you’d agree, but I’m really glad you did.”

“Wait, you talked to him?”

Win just nodded, which made him roll his eyes because of how secretive First was when it turns out he knows a lot.

“I don’t think we would’ve gotten here if it wasn’t for First,” Bright says, because he’s had to be the most constant thing from start to finish. “We owe him big.”

“We’ll thank him later, can we just—” Win says, pointing to the bedroom upstairs.

Bright grabs his hand and pulls him upstairs. He ignores the look they get from Mick when they get on the second floor, because what happens next is worth it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter: @brightwineunoia :)


End file.
